3 years…3 whole years have gone by without you in it. I wish the memory of your life was burned into my brain like the memory of the day you died. That night still haunts me every time i go to close my eyes. Im tired…so tired.

Im just now starting to see past the anger and view the world through new eyes. Every person i see i wonder; how are they broken? Every person has been wronged, heartbroken, shattered. I view rude and mean people with compassion now. You never know what made a person the way they are. You never know the reason behind their crudeness. Im always making up excuses in my head for them.

When others lose a loved one i cant help but see myself in their shoes, back on my darkest days. The suffocating loneliness; the crushing weight of a broken heart. I still find myself without words in those situations. What can i say? There is NOTHING to say. No words in existence could ever take the pain away or even comfort the slightest bit. So instead, i remain silent. Ashamed in my silence because i know the silence is what hurts the most.

I miss you.I miss the mom and person i was before you left. I miss your smile and your laugh. I miss your sloppy baby kisses. I miss those giant eyes gazing up at me with so much love. I wish i had more to miss.